Secret Fantasies
By Starna
B'Elanna is in the middle of a routine diagnostic on the holodecks. Things have been really interesting since the telepathic alien visited Voyager. No one seems to be able to look at anyone in the eye. B'Elanna herself hasn't been able to look at Chakotay since then.
She's sure that Chakotay knows something isn't quite right with her. Her biggest fear is that he will approach her about it and want to know what's going on. She sure as hell doesn't want to talk to him about this.
The diagnostic is complete, B'Elanna decides to try them out to make sure she has them working correctly.
Thinking about what she wants to do, she decides on just running Tom's Sandrines program.
"Computer, run program Paris 3."
"Program running, enter when ready."
B'Elanna begins to move to the holodeck doors, but before she reaches them she turns back to the holodeck controls begins to program additional parameters to the program. Once she completes the additions she enters the holodeck.
"Computer privacy lock, authorization Torres Alpha Delta 235."
"Privacy lock engage."
The program looks like Tom's Sandrine's except there was a table on the right hand side of the room which is set up for a romantic dinner. Flowers, candles and so on. There is also a single violin player, finishing the scene, playing soft romantic music.
There is a grin of satisfaction on B'Elanna's face as she looks over at the scene before her and thinks to herself, 'If I am to move on from this, I'm going to have to face it, head on.'
"Okay………Computer access Commander Chakotay's personal file and create an accurate representation of him. Include personality."
"Processing."
About 30 seconds later a holocharacter that looks like Chakotay appears. Now that the holocharacter is there, B'Elanna was having second thoughts about going through with her plans.
'What the hell am I doing!' "Computer delete………….cancel command."
'Okay, you have set this up, you need to deal with this!'
Pacing around the room, trying to think about what her next step is going to be, she looks at the holocharacter of Chakotay. She starts remembering the way Chakotay's lips felt on her lips and body, the way the two of them moved together. She remembers that she was about to claim him the way of a Klingon, to make him hers.
This memory helps her to resolve this situation, knowing full well that she will never be able to handle being anywhere near Chakotay if she doesn't.
"Hello Chakotay, thanks for coming. Would you like a drink of something?"
The holocharacter comes to life. "Thanks B'Elanna, some wine would be great." Looking around and seeing the table, he says "Is there some sort of special occasion we're celebrating?"
"No, I just thought that it's been awhile since we have had a chance to relax and talk to each other."
"You're right, it has been. So how you been? How's things going in Engineering?"
"Busy, but you know that since you get my engineering report each week."
He laughs, "I remember the 'Engineering Reports' you used to give me when we were in the Maquis." Doing his best imitation of B'Elanna, "Bloody hell Chakotay, the warp core is off line again. Not to mention the plasma manifolds needs to be taken apart and reassembled, not to mention a few other things and you sit there sit there wanting to know why the ship isn't performing the way you would like and what am I going to do about it. Well I'll tell you, what I am going to do….…."
"Very funny Chakotay!"
"Hey I used to enjoy those little together's of ours. Actually I would like to see everyone's reaction if you ever came into one of the Senior staff meeting's and gave your report like that."
"Like Hell I would do something like that. The Captain would have me taken to the brig before I could retaliate."
"Okay, Okay! I'm only joking," laughing and sitting back in his chair. "You know what B'Elanna? Despite everything that has happened I feel happy and contented."
Sitting up straight again in the chair and looking directly at her, "Don't think that I don't feel for the Maquis back home, I do with all my heart and wish that I was there helping the cause."
"I know that Chakotay."
Smiling, "Thanks. I feel that here, in the Delta Quadrant, that we have done what the Marquis stands for."
"What do you mean?"
"Well look at it this way, when we, as in Voyager, destroyed the Caretaker's array, we stopped the Kazon from 'Liberating' it, as the would put it. Second thoughts, no they wouldn't put it that way. Anyway we stop them from destroying the Ocampa homeworld. After all isn't that what we were trying to do back in the Alpha Quadrant. Stopping the Cardassians taking over our own homeworld's! Sure the Ocampa were not our family and friends but they were faced with the same situation and they didn't have anyone to fight for them."
Thinking about what Chakotay just said, "When you put it like that, I can see what you mean."
The rest of the night was spent remembering the times they spent in the Maquis and here in the Delta Quadrant, and what they wanted to happen in the future.
B'Elanna notices that throughout their conversation, Chakotay constantly mentions the Captain but what's more he uses her first name and not her title.
B'Elanna decides to confront him, or at least his holocharater about this, "Chakotay, could you tell me something?"
"Sure, what is it?"
"I've noticed tonight that when you refer to the Captain you use her first name. Is there something going on that I don't know about?"
The look on the holocharacter's face was so like Chakotay's when someone has caught him doing something that he didn't want people to know. "B'Elanna, I'll be honest with you. I must admit that I didn't realize that I was doing that and I'm sorry."
"Hey there's nothing to be sorry about. I just wanted to know why. I mean I would find it so hard to refer to her as anything but 'Captain'. Yet you were saying her first name like it was a natural thing to do!"
B'Elanna could see that Chakotay was thinking about what to say.
"B'Elanna, what I'm about to tell you is not to go beyond these doors. Okay!"
"Chakotay I would have hoped by now that you know that you could tell me anything and it wouldn't be repeated any further."
"I know. You know how when the telepathy alien was aboard Voyager and everyone were dreaming about different things? Well mine started out with me confronting my father about my beliefs, about me staying in Starfleet. And then it switched to when I was in the Marquis and then I was on Voyager and yet I could hear my father talking. Next I was on a planet that looked like Earth but I knew that it wasn't and I hadn't been there before. I also knew that I wasn't alone, the Captain was there with me. It was at this time that I started to listen to my father. I realized that he wasn't just talking to me but to both of us. He was telling us that we both had the key to the other's happiness and that we should always work together. I remember looking at Kathryn and realizing that she is the person whom I think of first thing in the morning and the last thing at night. I have found the peace that I have been searching for, through her."
B'Elanna couldn't believe what she heard, "Computer freeze program. Computer, list files which the holocharacter Chakotay is based on."
"The holocharacter Chakotay is based on Commander Chakotay's Starfleet record, medical file and personal logs."
Realizing that everything said was taken from Chakotay's personal logs, B'Elanna decided to leave this line of questioning alone.
The conversation continues between the two of them to well pass midnight. B'Elanna decides it's time to go to bed.
"Chakotay I hate to spoil a really good evening but I have the early shift so I really need to get some sleep."
"Okay, can I ask one question before you go?"
"Sure, what?"
"I was wondering why throughout the evening you continually brought up Paris and refer to him as Tom and never as Paris?"
This time it was B'Elanna who had the look of shock on her face. She hadn't realized she had done that.
"Computer, end program."
The End
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